Television

The Conners Season 3 Episode 12 Review: A Stomach Ache, A Heartbreak and a Grave Mistake

Paul Remschlotter definitely got the last laugh, but part of me wondered if Roseanne would have chuckled right along with Paul if she’d been able to see what he had written on his gravestone on The Conners Season 3 Episode 12.

Do cemeteries allow you to write anything you want on a tombstone, or is that just in Lanford? I’ve seen some pithy things etched on those stones, but nothing quite as direct as, “I can’t believe they stuck me next to this bitch.”

As much as I suspect Roseanne would have appreciated the biting humor in Paul’s final dig, it was still hurtful to her family and never should have been allowed. 

I half expected the cemetery director to tell Jackie that Paul’s message was really for the person on his other side, perhaps his wife, but that wasn’t the case.

Then I suspected that Jackie might chisel off the message after dark, but that would have been a little too much vandalism for one episode. 

Although I found the resolution of actually moving Roseanne’s gravesite a little odd, it was amusing knowing that Jackie would get the last laugh on Beverly in the end. 

Beverly has been horrible to Jackie for years, so it’s satisfying to picture Jackie visiting her mother’s final resting place and being able to smile, or at least smirk with slightly evil delight.

But Jackie wasn’t the only one with injustices that needed fixing.

Harris was being ghosted by her boyfriend, Josh, and it was clear she didn’t know how to deal with that. 

Thankfully, no one told Darlene. 

Nothing against Darlene, but I fear even with the best of intentions, she would have made Harris feel worse about this situation instead of better. 

Becky: Nobody has the right to disrespect you like that. You deserve some closure. You let one guy get away with treating you badly it’s easier to let the next guy do it to you too.
Harris: I just don’t want to be some creepy, ex-girlfriend stalker.
Becky: I don’t know why that’s gotten such a bad rap.

And although Aunt Becky wasn’t the perfect break-up coach–vandalizing someone else’s property can get you arrested, which really will make you look like the crazy ex-girlfriend stalker–she did understand the long-term effects of letting guys make you feel like crap. 

On the downside, they did destroy a perfectly good bat and damaged a very nice mailbox. I have no doubt that Josh’s family has security cameras that may have recorded the entire incident, but hopefully, nothing comes of that in future episodes. 

Josh claimed he was ghosting Harris because he didn’t want an awkward confrontation that would make her feel worse. It was great to hear Harris call him out for being the coward he was. 

Becky: I’m proud of you. There are so many times I should have done that and I didn’t.
Harris: Thanks.
Becky: Feel better?
Harris: Yeah, but no. I mean I know I deserve way better than that jerk but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

Elsewhere, Dan and Darlene argued over their concerns for Mark, and they both had valid points. 

Can we just enjoy sitting down to one meal without talking about Covid. There’s plenty of other tragic events for you two to find hilarious. Homicides are up everywhere. Enjoy.

Dan

Lying to kids doesn’t work. There’s too much information out there that’s readily available to them, and not all of it is correct. 

Kids need to be able to trust they get the truth from their parents because there are too many other sources they can go to for answers, and many of them aren’t safe or accurate.

To Dan’s point, sometimes, many times, kids don’t need to know every detail that’s available. Parents need to be able to filter information in a way that’s age-appropriate and suitable for their child. 

But I refuse to criticize Darlene for getting this one wrong because she really was trying to do what was right for Mark. Sometimes, parenting is hard.

Where Harris generally rebels against Darlene, Mark leans in the other direction by trying to protect and take care of their mother. 

That he was trying to talk and joke openly about Covid, believing that it would help his mom deal with her anxiety, was very sweet and just what I’d expect from Mark.

In the end, Dan was right. Talking about something as depressing as this virus, even while indulging in dark humor which is a talent for The Conner family, wasn’t healthy for either of them. 

Perhaps worst of all, it ended up with a $300 Urgent Care bill!

In unexpected good news, Dan got hearing aids, even if they were used. 

Although, “certified pre-owned” does sound better. 

But are Dan’s drywall and contracting days completely over? Ben was mysteriously missing from this episode, and there was no mention of him or the hardware store. If it weren’t for the mention of Dan’s hearing aids, I would have suspected this episode was shot out of order.

And it’s been far too long since we’ve seen or heard from DJ? When is he coming back?

So, now it’s your turn, TV Fanatics!

  • Do you think Roseanne would have been offended by that tombstone or found it funny?
  • Was having her gravesite moved the right way to solve this? 
  • Do you have a problem putting Beverly in that cemetery plot after she’s gone?
  • Was Becky right to encourage Harris to face-off with Josh, and do you think she handled it better than Darlene would have?
  • And has it been too long since we’ve had an Emilio siting?

Overall, it felt like this episode got a little bit of its The Conners mojo back. It’s always a good sign when the dark humor manages to make me laugh out loud.

Hit that big, blue, SHOW COMMENTS button down below to share what you thought of this installment. Then you can watch The Conners online here at TV Fanatic.

C. Orlando is a TV Fanatic Staff Writer. Follow her on Twitter.

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